I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
