I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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