I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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