my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize