why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
