i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
