you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
