the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
