at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
