My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize