do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
