i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
