I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
