The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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