i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
no you cant smoke seaweed
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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