moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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