it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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