Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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