oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
