I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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