You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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