So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
