Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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