Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Randomize
