she smelled like a LAN party
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
