I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Why is there bacon in the couch?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
