Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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