Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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