he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
