Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
