i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
