So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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