i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize