$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
