the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just cropdusted the office
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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