I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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