he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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