I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You had me at "let me see your balls"
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
