On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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