On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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