I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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