At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
