There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
