p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
