I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
