p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
