Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
