You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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