I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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