You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
