dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
