i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
