hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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