All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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