i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
