I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
