Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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