I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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