I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
