trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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