I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize