Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
