I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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