Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize