I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
