I can text with my tongue
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
