you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize