I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So much Jack, so little girl.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
