either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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