just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
