I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
