When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
