Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
