No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
