Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
