No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
