Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
