dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
