I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
