saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize