Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
